


Se-ri's promise

by RiRifan



Series: Daydreams [5]
Category: CLOY - Fandom, Crash Landing on You
Genre: Canon Universe, Daydreams, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:47:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25726147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiRifan/pseuds/RiRifan
Summary: The night he confessed he wanted to stay with her in the South, Se-ri dwelled about what to do and made a promise to Fate
Relationships: Yoon Se-ri Ri Jeong Hyeok
Series: Daydreams [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1800217
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21





	Se-ri's promise

Hearts doesn’t bleed for heartache, but Se-ri was pretty sure that her one was. And if heart wasn’t bleeding, then what was that pain on her chest?

That night Jeong Hyeok had confessed, and their love, their already sad love, had became even more hurtful.

And he had done it wearing those cachemire grey suit that made him look even more handsome. The shape of his back, his pronounced muscles so well showed off by the soft pale fabric was an invitation to be weak for a night. A call to forget everything she had promised to herself to make his presence in the South the less painful possible for both of them.

But now she even was in doubt if her choice had been the right one or the worst.

Not a single hint of doubt about the truthfulness of what he had said. Jeong Hyeok wasn’t a man used to empty words, and the ones about her, about them two, about his own life, were such serious things that he wouldn’t even allowed himself not even to think at, if them wouldn’t had been based on real, true, strong and deep needs. And by the sadness in his voice she had easily guessed that he had fought and lost, succumbing to himself.

Her heart ached thinking at how mutch time he must had kept those things inside.

_Since when you are eating your heart down, Ri Jeong Hyeok ssi?_

His one hadn’t been a speech, it had been a capitulation.

But what if it also was a cry for help? What was she supposed to do? Which of the two Jeong Hyeoks she had to listen and care for: the one who was strongly decided to came back in NK once she was safe, or the one who had so sadly confessed that he wanted to stay there with her and playing the piano again? It wasn’t just a selfish consideration. Of course, it was obvious that she would have been more than happy to have him there with her forever. But there was more.

He had mentioned piano.

Jeong Hyeok never had shared his past with her, not for real, but from what she had been able to understand -collecting and putting together information like a puzzle- he had studied piano in Switzerland, and then he came back to NK and joined the army after his brother’s death.

Despite Jeong Hyeok was a very good soldier, and he could have easily seamed someone who joined the army for his own, it was pretty clear from some signals that the career he was dreaming wasn’t in the army. Why else he would have conserved in his house at the outpost village, and not in his parent’s house, all the documents about his studies? All his school books and notebooks were in the room where he had grown up, except for the ones about music schools. If he had took them with him it could only be because of their importance for him.

Also, and most of all, Jeong Hyeok seamed anything but a person who’s happy of his life. There always was a sort of desperation in his eyes, in every single move, in his words. Even in his library.

And Se-ri knew very well how to recognize misery.

His words of tonight had just been a confirm, not a revelation.

Still, it hadn’t been painless.

Se-ri had tried to stay quiet and cold in front of his words, but at a certain point it simply became too mutch. She wasn’t sure to be strong enough to resist. No: she was sure she wasn’t. The impulse of telling him to stay there with her, to stay there because she would have loved him and made him happy in a way that no one else could have ever done, to tell him to be selfish, to choose his life, that impulse was too strong, stronger than her.

How could it be possible to stay quiet in front of those eyes which spread nothing but misery? How could it be possible to see the person you love in such a deep desperation and stop the impulse to save him. She didn’t know. No: she know she couldn’t.

So, Se-ri pretended to be very tired and went to bed almost running, trying to seem as normal as possible, to hide him her feelings. But then she couldn’t stop the tears, she couldn’t sleep, she couldn’t stop thinking at how cruel, how unfair their destiny was.

And she didn’t know what to do now. Staying silent and let him live his misery? Talk to him and risk a discussion, or worse, to put a doubt in him and make him live a life of regrets?

And speaking of it, there was something she regretted she hadn’t done in NK, and now, with him in her house, it was way more difficult to contain herself.

She loved Jeong Hyeok, he was the first man she had ever loved, she loved him with all her heart. She was sure she would have married him if he would had stayed with her, and he had just confessed that he wanted the same. So…why marriage things would have been forbidden for them? Is saving her life multiple times, is facing all that they had faced, is taking a bullet for her, less important than an arranged agreement – she yet was unable to call it engagement – with Seo-dan ssi?

The idea of him getting physical with her made her nauseous. Se-ri always had felt repugnance for arranged marriage right because of this. This was the reason why she had so strongly refused to marry Gu Seung-joon. How in the world it’s possible to have such an intimate experience with a person chosen for you from the others? It was unnatural. It was hateful. It was abominable. Particularly when – and that was the case of them two, she was sure – the two didn’t even liked each other.

Thinking to Jeong Hyeok forced to such a similar abhorrence was something she couldn’t manage, too grievous, too horrific, too cruel for such a beautiful person like him.

And being selfish: even for her. Despite Seo-dan was his legitimate fiancé, she felt she was her the woman of his life. She was his love. He had never said that, but it was _so_ clear. She was the one who loved him. Then why an experience so strongly connected with love must have been lived with Seo-dan?

_I must protect him. I can’t take him here, but at least I must protect him from…this._

For a couples of minutes, she considered the idea to go to him and beg. Beg Jeong Hyeok to move from his tradition-oriented mind and accept the truth. Not that she was an expert, she doesn’t even know how to start, but she was sure that love would have gave her the brave and the words.

“ _Jeong Hyeok don’t do this to us. We’ll have nothing. Nothing. Let’s us have at least this. The woman who loves you, the woman you love, it’s me_ ” for sure he would have protested, he would have said that they weren’t married, that he was going to leave her soon, that he couldn’t marry her so this wasn’t right. But what was right in their lives? _What was right, to spend the rest of your life with a person you don’t love? Even to have child with her, to touch her, and to not know, never know, how it feels the touch of the woman you love? Are you sure this is right Ri Jeong Hyeok ssi? Are you sure we don’t deserve this memory, something which will be only our, a secret between me and you. Are you sure it’s not me, it’s not you the person who deserves to live such an important moment with the person we are in love for?_

Her arguments were so good, so strong, at last he would have surrendered.

And his kisses would have been soft, his hands delicate, his hug strong. And she would have whispered on his ear “I love you Ri Jeong Hyeok ssi” all the time. He would have known what to do, he always did, and she would have covered his face of thousands little kisses, freeing him from all his sadness kiss by kiss, making him feel the only man in the world, because he was, for her, he was.

Se-ri imagined the warmth of his skin, his weight when he would have positioned himself between her legs. Her arms surrounding his neck. He would have been delicate, she was sure, Jeong Hyeok always had cared for her, always had been lovely, protective, sweet with her. He would have constantly asked “are you feeling good?” because this was her Jeong Hyeok. He would have been this way, she was more than sure, he would have touched her softly, put her pleasure before his own, he would have cared to make her feel good, and this made her feel even more the will to make him feel good. _Let me take care of you Ri Jeong Hyeok ssi_.

And they would have spent all the following nights this way until he would have leaved, making love and then cuddling him. Giving him a memory to warm his heart despite the icy life he was going to live. Giving her the relief to have done, at least, something for him. And for herself: to have been her, and not Seo-dan. To have that memory of him.

What a desire to muss his hair, to bite his cheeks, to pinch the tip of his nose, to kiss him everywhere. To made him sleep every night under her hug, covering him with all her limbs, posing her lips on his cheek so he would have remembered he had been loved. For once in his life, he had been loved by the woman he was in love for _This is possible for you Ri Jeong Hyeok ssi, don’t deny it to you_.

She didn’t know, she not even suspected, that just few meters away Jeong Hyeok was sharing her lack of sleep that night, thinking that if he would have been his husband he now could have brought her to bed in his arms, posed her head on his chest and made her sleep this way, snuggled against his body, safe. And her porcelain skin would have been so soft and tender like the time he saw her, the first night at his house. And her breathe would have been so quiet and smooth like the thousands time he had looked at her asleep. He would have hugged her, sink his fingers in those flesh so tender, unlike the thousands time he had to resist to the urge to touch her. Was her skin a good reason to defect and marry her the very day after? Ooooh, it was. And not talking about the smart and fun and sweet and lovely she was. And not talking about the grief in his heart any time he was thinking to her. And not talking about how he had felt when she had returned in SK, as if she had taken away his breathe with her.

Without her, life wasn’t life.

If not for his parents. If not for his family, he wouldn’t have had a single doubt. She was the place to be for him. But thinking at it was a nonsense. And telling it to her had been cruel, he knew, she had asked for no memories, he hadn’t the right to hurt her. But he was drunk, and weak, and it was too mutch time that his heart was aching. And he had just discovered that she was Her. The first girl he had felt attracted for, that time on the bridge. The only girl he had felt attracted for in all his life. Then if it was fate why, why life had to be so cruel wanting them separated? That night he felt he couldn’t hold all of this alone. For the first time, he felt the need to share his heartache with her, to search for her help because bringing all of this alone was becoming too mutch for him.

_This would be cruel too_. _Showing him how it feels when someone loves you, and then made him live a loveless life, this would be cruel too_ she thought. Cruel. A word two person in love shouldn’t even think, and yet it was so damn frequent in their thoughts. Even this was cruel.

So, what to do? Ask him to spend the night with her just holding her hand? Nonsense.

She had to be strong for both of them. If he had indulged that time, if he hadn’t the strength to contain himself that evening, her duty was to be strong for both of them. Making him experience something like this only would have made him live with a painful memory in the future, comparing the life he was living with the one he could have lived, for what? For a life of regrets? She couldn’t do this to her Jeong Hyeok.

_I’ll show you my love without showing my love Ri Jeong Hyeok ssi, but how difficult…_

The pillow was so wet that she had to change it with a new one. Difficult to imagine a saddest situation. But she had to be strong for him, she truly had.

So, to clean up her mind from this useless thoughts, Se-ri made a promise: if Fate would have been so generous to make them meet again, she wouldn’t held herself back anymore. She would have gave him all the love, all the cares, all the cuddles of the world. She would have faced everyone, done everything, everything to make his life brightening. She would have done everything she could to make him the happiest man in the world.

_Fate, if you’ll give him to me again,_ _I’ll do my best to make his life perfect, I’ll give mine to make his life perfect._

It was only a dream, an impossible promise, but all she had was this: dreams and promises.

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am. Sorry if this week there won't be a new chapter of "A second chanche to live" but I'm experiencing writer's block (writer...ahahah), and I maybe need a rewatch before start writing again.  
> I'm on a new story now, but I think I'm going to share it only when complete, our beloved JH is the protagonist, of course.  
> Also, I think I want to rewrite the first/second/third/ecc chapters of ASCTL because they are actually boring and full of errors. I'm a naturally born distracted, but lockdown made me even more confused. Well, this is not an excuse to publish such a monstrosity, so probably there will be a sort of ASCTL Post Lockdown Edition - Author Reading Before Posting Edition. For now, I hope you'll enjoy this one.


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